today i was thinking about God.
i was reading one of the psalms, and boy it's an angry one.
sometimes the psalms have a lot of hurt and a lot of pain, and a lot of times it surprises me. a lot of times the words in the psalms carry my joyful heart when i just can't find my own words. but sometimes they also hold the painful words too.
often when i'm reading an angry psalm i expect it to resolve itself at the end.
'really david, you can't just yell at God like that', i think.
surely at the end of this rant there will be a beautiful verse about how great the Lord is and how david has gotten out of whatever slump he's in and all is well with the world again.
but you know, sometimes that doesn't happen. sometimes it's just a cry for help.
sometimes there is no end in sight. sometimes, the yelling and the hurt and the fear isn't an act of anger but an act of childlike faith.
isn't that what i do when i'm in trouble? don't i go running to my dad and tell him what's wrong? don't i seek a listening soul who will hear my troubles and will comfort me? don't i need those soothing words?
why is it that i always think God doesn't want this part of me?
maybe He does.
maybe His knowledge of my heart and soul and self is bigger than my own high regard for me. He knows i'm not always going to have things together.
this doesn't need to be another place where i hide from You.
make my heart bare.