ode to years past

the lights are dim
winter is cold and damp
but life grows there
quietly seeking
the warmth of the sun

spring smiles
breath quickens
anticipation grows stronger
the pendulum
swinging
time will tell

wait
a whisper moves
upwards

the night is warm
summer sits
soaking
dwelling
loving
a heart is unsure

autumn brings
a sudden gust of
unknown

wish for bridges

squeeze my hand, take the fright
wrap it up, give it to the night
and tell me stories of our glory days
shed the shy on this waterway

but i can't speak, i can't retreat
i'm here right now, and i know you know
you know how nice it was
here right now, we can't forget
no we can't forget how good it was

there's my boat ride to the other side
wish there was a bridge so we could walk it all night

[brooke waggoner]

midnight hour

there is something wonderful and haunting about dim lights and darkness. the hum of the refrigerator and the otherwise silence of a sleeping house.
i am awake.
unwinding
questions, elusive answers
wait, beautiful humility
adequate, or one-of-a-kind?
time, miles and miles
affection, unimaginable
hidden, thoughts that haunt
to ponder, the cost of a stand
joy, secret dreams
tomorrow, changing lives
love, such a mystery
rest, in old-school carpenter arms
peace, as you give

around and around

onions

my dad complimented me yesterday on my onion cutting skills. he said i looked like a pro.
joy of joys! a pro!
first of all, this goes to show what a nice sharp knife can do for those who are trying to cook well. it goes a long way. dull knives are extremely annoying.
second, this goes to show that his affirmation also went a long way. i think affirmation is my love language.
and third, thanks food network. i saw, i learned, i conquered.
oh the joys of the ordinary life.

petition

lord: i know not what i ought to ask of you, you only know what i need. you love me better than i know how to love myself. oh god! give to your child that which i myself know not how to ask. i dare not ask for either crosses or consolations: i simply present myself before you-- i open my heart to you. behold my needs which i know not myself; see and do according to your tender mercy. smite or heal, depress me or raise me up: i adore all your purposes without knowing them. i am silent; i offer myself in sacrifice. i yield myself to you. i would have no other desire than to accomplish your will. teach me to pray. pray yourself in me.

upsides?

the weather outside reflects my mood. dreary. weary.
my summer class is going to be terrible. why did i ever think this would be a good idea? i guess it's a good thing i don't have a job yet, otherwise i would be swamped.
job hunting is terrible. what do these employers want from me? i visit, smile, dress up, phone, email, write cover letters and resumes and fill out applications, talk myself up, but not too much, listen, smile more, and phone more. i have spent hours looking at the latest job posts. and, nothing. they just don't want me. talk about a downer on self-esteem. sheesh.
also, this long distance thing has the potential to be terrible. but i won't let it. no way. people do it all the time. yep, it's still tough. (it's only been a week, and oh my little heart!) but we won't give up. we can do this.
did i mention it's snowing?