can i just say that wednesdays are quite possibly the worst and the best days of my semester?
also, i would like to note that the only time i blog is when i have a paper to write instead.
lastly, my family is coming to see me tomorrow. well, part of my family. and it just warms my little heart.
that's all.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
1.2.3.4.
i find it encouraging to write lists of things that i am thankful for. it helps to take my mind off the fact that i need to be writing a paper and probably have some reading i could be doing for my next class.
at the moment i'm in the library. there is a freshman nodding off at the desk next to me (he's doing some sort of math homework, i don't blame him really). i am facing the pond and just watched a pretty duck land on the water. i'm comforted by the fact that time slows down once i enter the doors of this place. my work usually gets done, strangely enough. i'm also trying to decide if it is still raining-- for a moment the sun peeked through the clouds and showered campus with a wonderful glow. it's gone now though, and i'm beginning to think that perhaps it would be fun to become a hermit in the library until exams are over. but ah, i remember that i won a bet and my roommate is cooking dinner for me all week. i guess there's always next time. now, back to reality.
at the moment i'm in the library. there is a freshman nodding off at the desk next to me (he's doing some sort of math homework, i don't blame him really). i am facing the pond and just watched a pretty duck land on the water. i'm comforted by the fact that time slows down once i enter the doors of this place. my work usually gets done, strangely enough. i'm also trying to decide if it is still raining-- for a moment the sun peeked through the clouds and showered campus with a wonderful glow. it's gone now though, and i'm beginning to think that perhaps it would be fun to become a hermit in the library until exams are over. but ah, i remember that i won a bet and my roommate is cooking dinner for me all week. i guess there's always next time. now, back to reality.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
glorious
it is the end of the day.
i smell nice.
my meal turned out great.
i received money today.
i didn't get lost on the way home.
my paper is halfway done.
i made wind-socks with kindergarten kids.
it took me one try to open the door with the right key.
i started reading a book for fun.
i didn't fall asleep in my first class.
i didn't go to my second class.
i am drinking coffee with milk.
it is sunny.
i am going on a double date.
he brought me a flower.
so many very lovely things.
i smell nice.
my meal turned out great.
i received money today.
i didn't get lost on the way home.
my paper is halfway done.
i made wind-socks with kindergarten kids.
it took me one try to open the door with the right key.
i started reading a book for fun.
i didn't fall asleep in my first class.
i didn't go to my second class.
i am drinking coffee with milk.
it is sunny.
i am going on a double date.
he brought me a flower.
so many very lovely things.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
zzz
same old, same old. time doesn't stop just because i would rather do one thing when i know i should be doing something else. and yes, everything always gets done. but i would much rather have slept blissfully last night instead of frantically clicking away at my keyboard. i never learn.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
opposite
two rejections in two days.
the first one stung, but i am intent on letting it roll off my shoulders. meh.
the second one was almost expected.
inwardly it's funny. outwardly it's disappointing.
but i'm convinced that i'm growing. two years ago those two rejections would have been more scarring i'm sure.
(right about now i'm wondering if i should say this, but)
lord, keep teaching me how to be humble.
the first one stung, but i am intent on letting it roll off my shoulders. meh.
the second one was almost expected.
inwardly it's funny. outwardly it's disappointing.
but i'm convinced that i'm growing. two years ago those two rejections would have been more scarring i'm sure.
(right about now i'm wondering if i should say this, but)
lord, keep teaching me how to be humble.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
postscript
yes.
life can be more beautiful.
it takes my breath away actually.
i'm stoked for what's to come...
life can be more beautiful.
it takes my breath away actually.
i'm stoked for what's to come...
family
just spent the morning bowling with my professors and my family-away-from-family.
can life be any more beautiful?
can life be any more beautiful?
Friday, March 12, 2010
resting
i love babies. love. babies.
i especially love holding a baby, its warm little body snuggled in my arms, legs bent, hands tucked, lips puckered, eyelids drooping, nodding off to sleep. a fierce protectiveness stirs in me, i think because i realize just how helpless this little thing is. but it needs me. it's safe here, so it sleeps. i'm always amazed.
i think sometimes that i am a toddler in my Father's arms and all i ever do is kick and scream.
what does it take to quiet my soul?
most days i just want to crawl in Your lap and close my eyes and just rest there. to hear you sing to me. to leave my thoughts and worries somewhere else and just be still. with you. maybe i think you're too busy for me to bother you. maybe i think you won't take me back.
but, you see me from a long way off. and you run to me so you can embrace me. hug me. bear hug me.
no more fear.
your love compels.
quiet now,
be still.
i especially love holding a baby, its warm little body snuggled in my arms, legs bent, hands tucked, lips puckered, eyelids drooping, nodding off to sleep. a fierce protectiveness stirs in me, i think because i realize just how helpless this little thing is. but it needs me. it's safe here, so it sleeps. i'm always amazed.
i think sometimes that i am a toddler in my Father's arms and all i ever do is kick and scream.
what does it take to quiet my soul?
most days i just want to crawl in Your lap and close my eyes and just rest there. to hear you sing to me. to leave my thoughts and worries somewhere else and just be still. with you. maybe i think you're too busy for me to bother you. maybe i think you won't take me back.
but, you see me from a long way off. and you run to me so you can embrace me. hug me. bear hug me.
no more fear.
your love compels.
quiet now,
be still.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
desert
the Lord says: cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart departs from the Lord.
for he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see when good comes....
but, blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope is the Lord.
for he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
which spreads out its roots by the river,
and will not fear when heat comes;
but its leaf will be green,
and will not be anxious in the year of drought,
nor will cease from yielding fruit.
the heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately wicked;
who can know it?
i, the Lord, search the heart,
i test the mind,
even to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his doings.
[jeremiah 17: 5-10]
okay Lord.
speak, i'm listening.
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart departs from the Lord.
for he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see when good comes....
but, blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope is the Lord.
for he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
which spreads out its roots by the river,
and will not fear when heat comes;
but its leaf will be green,
and will not be anxious in the year of drought,
nor will cease from yielding fruit.
the heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately wicked;
who can know it?
i, the Lord, search the heart,
i test the mind,
even to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his doings.
[jeremiah 17: 5-10]
okay Lord.
speak, i'm listening.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
deciding
how is it that one single day plays out the way it does?
waking up, and not wanting to. deciding not to push the snooze button at all, but to get out of bed like i know i should. deciding to pay attention in class at that ungodly hour, working with my hands, folding paper after paper, and drifting off in my mind...deciding what to make for dinner.
the decision to sit on the couch to do my homework rather than at my desk. the decision to close my eyes for just a moment, only to sit up in a panic 2 hours later when i realize i have class in ten minutes.
the decision to bring my laptop to class so that i read online articles and check facebook while a buzz of discussion goes on around me.
later, another decision: to take a drive to america, the land where there is great milk and cheaper clothes. the decision to be distracted perhaps by something else rather than taking the keys out of the car before it was locked. our decision not to panic, but to ask some strangers for help and to laugh (because we're good-natured like that). the decision to pray for a quick solution to our problem rather than think about the very large knife and sketchy looking people surrounding ourselves and our car. the decision to buy the purple shirt instead of the blue one (a little less important a decision perhaps). to spend half an hour on the phone tonight, and to whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the one on the other end. to decide to throw some clothes in the laundry, knowing it will keep me awake to wait for them.
and now...my decision to blog rather than to finish the assignment due tomorrow.
maybe some of those decisions i'll regret. maybe some will have little impact on anyone, let alone me. i know i'll remember some for a long time, and laugh. but maybe one will make all the difference in the world.
i guess we'll see, eh?
waking up, and not wanting to. deciding not to push the snooze button at all, but to get out of bed like i know i should. deciding to pay attention in class at that ungodly hour, working with my hands, folding paper after paper, and drifting off in my mind...deciding what to make for dinner.
the decision to sit on the couch to do my homework rather than at my desk. the decision to close my eyes for just a moment, only to sit up in a panic 2 hours later when i realize i have class in ten minutes.
the decision to bring my laptop to class so that i read online articles and check facebook while a buzz of discussion goes on around me.
later, another decision: to take a drive to america, the land where there is great milk and cheaper clothes. the decision to be distracted perhaps by something else rather than taking the keys out of the car before it was locked. our decision not to panic, but to ask some strangers for help and to laugh (because we're good-natured like that). the decision to pray for a quick solution to our problem rather than think about the very large knife and sketchy looking people surrounding ourselves and our car. the decision to buy the purple shirt instead of the blue one (a little less important a decision perhaps). to spend half an hour on the phone tonight, and to whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the one on the other end. to decide to throw some clothes in the laundry, knowing it will keep me awake to wait for them.
and now...my decision to blog rather than to finish the assignment due tomorrow.
maybe some of those decisions i'll regret. maybe some will have little impact on anyone, let alone me. i know i'll remember some for a long time, and laugh. but maybe one will make all the difference in the world.
i guess we'll see, eh?
Monday, March 1, 2010
irony
it's funny how...
1) that one thing can throw off my entire evening, my sleep, my morning, and my day. can i get a little perspective here?
2) ten days can fly by. my spring break is but a memory. and what of those lists? check (ish). check. check. and i forgot to add one: RELAX. triple check.
3) the more i read this textbook, the less i pay attention to the words. thoughts are drifting through my head of summer plans and...graduation. i'm scared for my future self and my lack of attention span these days...
4) His mercies really are new every morning. thank God for that.
1) that one thing can throw off my entire evening, my sleep, my morning, and my day. can i get a little perspective here?
2) ten days can fly by. my spring break is but a memory. and what of those lists? check (ish). check. check. and i forgot to add one: RELAX. triple check.
3) the more i read this textbook, the less i pay attention to the words. thoughts are drifting through my head of summer plans and...graduation. i'm scared for my future self and my lack of attention span these days...
4) His mercies really are new every morning. thank God for that.
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