secret heart

this afternoon was spent in solitude.
in my time of resting i discovered the strangest thing once again.
the desire to create. this time, not with words or paper or colors, but with flour and vegetables and milk and eggs and all those wonderful things that you can mix together to make something delicious.
as a budding young girl, the kitchen never was my forte. everything i tried almost always failed, and everything i wanted to do my mom could still do better. she was (and still is) my food idol. she can make anything and it always tastes good. but it wasn't even just about the food, it was about what she created for us. for her family. she was nourishing us with her love, her care, her gifts. i want to do that. i feel like i attach the same kind of significance to my own culinary creations. when i make something, it is to nourish.
it's amazing (and you'd be surprised) how one person can pour a lot of their soul into one pot of soup or one batch of cinnamon buns.
it's funny too, when i get an idea in my head i just have to create that very thing. and i'll be mighty distracted with it until it comes to life. today it was cream of potato soup and buns (my mom's recipe).
when i was baking the buns, i realized i forgot to put the eggs in. i hurriedly folded them into my dough, cringing. fahlman, you have to pay attention more. typical.
but, not losing heart after my bun disaster, i decided to try the soup. with no recipe but a lot of ideas whirling around in my little brain, i set to work.
now, a couple hours and a few setbacks later, i am savoring my creations. fresh buns (not as fluffy as i would have liked) and warm, creamy, chunky potato bacon soup. i created these things. and there really is no feeling like it.
i must admit that i wish there was someone here. this great moment needs to be shared. i want to feed someone. but i suppose it's just as sweet knowing that i CAN do this. it has moved from the realm of great possibilities to a satisfying reality. perhaps one day, like my mama, i can nourish and love people through this creating.