senior

so. thoughts.
even though the school of education has a 5 year program, i have begun cutting my ties with this university as I begin my fourth and senior year.
but believe-you-me, it is not an easy thing. i love being here. i love the people here, i love praise chapel on fridays, i love mass at the cottage, and mom hugs from diane. i like the dorms and apartments and even the cafeteria. i love the profs and the pond and the smell of the library. i love the banana challenge, rob rhea, and those banner things that tell us what the theme for the year is. i love the classes, the discussions, and even the papers because they help me grow. i know stuff not just in my brain but in my soul. i love this school.
it's weird walking to class and thinking "this may be the last time i will see this prof" or "this is the last time i will buy textbooks in september". it is crazy going to mattson and thinking "there are a limited number of months left in which you can take my money", or walking through campus on o-day, wondering to myself "was it just four years ago that i was shaking in my boots, clutching on to my RA, trying to figure out where i was supposed to be"?
there are a few things i'll be grateful to be done with, of course; packing for one. do you know how difficult it is to put everything into a minuscule amount of boxes, shove them into a small storage area, and then leave all of your belongings whilst you fly to another province? i nearly have anxiety attacks all summer wondering if some eager student is going to get to the storage room before me in the fall, see all my great stuff, and decide that although it is profusely labelled with my name, various items from my boxes would be much better in their possession than mine?? i'm sure that's happened...at some point...most likely.
anyway, i'm just sitting here reminiscing and dreaming and thinking and wondering. and i know school has barely started and i've had a grand total of one class as a senior student, but good heavens people. this is my last year of college (almost) and i'm 23 years old (almost) and there are so many wonderful and terrifying things around each and every corner of this year and the next year and the next year and the next year. there will be a lot of sad goodbyes but probably some really joyful hellos too. oh fourth year, you came sooner than i was anticipating.
anyway. it's past my bedtime and sheesh i'm a senior.
goodnight.